I have come to understand that many who have been a party to an abortion often feel great guilt for their role in the termination of a pregnancy. Let me tell you a story few know:
Before I knew the Lord, I was married to a woman who is not currently my wife. We were pregnant when we married. The baby was born healthy and beautiful. I still remember the emotion I felt upon the birth of my first child. Not too long after, we became pregnant with a second child. I have to admit it was a little overwhelming to think about adding another person to the family. My spouse at the time was also overwhelmed. The thought of another baby was a little too much for her. She told me that she wanted to get an abortion. I don’t really know why, but I wasn’t really for it. I told her so, but she didn’t think she could go through with the pregnancy. So, I told her to do what she wanted but I couldn’t attend the procedure. Maybe I thought that distancing myself away would help me with the misgivings I had.
Well, we had the abortion.
I put the incident on the “shelf” of my past and moved on. Or, so I thought I did.
Years later, when I was born again, the feelings that I had buried concerning the abortion rose to the surface. I can’t tell you the guilt and pain I felt at that time. It took awhile for me to really allow the Lord to touch me and heal me. I took awhile for me to forgive myself. Both came after a lot of tears.
Recently, I went to a banquet of a local pregnancy help center. I heard stories of pain and triumph. I talked to a woman who chose to have her child despite her unplanned pregnancy. What a beautiful child he is! It brought back to me a thought I had during my time of healing over the abortion. I would like to share my thoughts in the form of a poem:
What will I say when I see you again? An appointment that brings me fear.
I, supposed to hold and protect opened the door to bring death here.
How do you feel about me now? Darkness floods the thought.
My deed written in the stone of time, to change all for naught.
The greatest failure of my life – to face it now I dread.
But, to face you then…..Dear God, I wish that day was not ahead.
No words justify, no actions change the selfishness of time.
Against you, my love, my delicate one – murder is my crime.
My only hope rests in the thought of what has changed my life
I will find in you, dearest one, will have destroyed the strife.
I feel it now – the dad who failed will not be greeted so
But because of one raised by the Son I allow my fear to go.
May you find healing and freedom from fear, pain, and guilt in His presence and in the knowledge that your tender one has been raised by the Son.