Hidden Behind a Flower

I have three grandsons. I sure do love these boys!! They are Pop’s buddies!

I used to wonder how different the love I felt for my grandchildren would be from the love I have for my children. Now that I have both in my life, I really can’t tell any difference between the two: I love them both the same!

Presently, none of my grandsons live close to me. I noticed a few years ago that when I thought of the boys, a sensation of deep pain accompanied my feelings of love for them. I began to seek God; at a loss as to why I was feeling pain when I thought of the boys. God revealed to me that there was something hidden in my life; something I didn’t realize was there until a situation arose that brought it to light. I wanted my grandsons to know how special they were and how much they are loved, but I didn’t fully trust anyone to transmit that sense of security to them: the only person I fully trusted to do this was me.Since I could not be with them all the time, I felt a sense of failure and loss. That is where the pain was coming from.

This revelation showed me that I had areas in which I needed healing. You see, I was once the little boy who wasn’t so sure that he was valued and loved. So, I had made an inner vow that my children and grandchildren would never struggle with that feeling and accompanying sense of emptiness.

The problem with a vow is that the onus is on the one making it to ensure the vow is kept.

When my grandchildren moved away, the ability to fulfill the vow was threatened. Therefore, I felt the sense of failure, loss, and pain because I was not living up to what I had vowed.

Vows are a dangerous way to change circumstances and people. They depend upon the power of the person making them and they also depend upon ideal circumstances for their fulfillment. No one can “overpower” life so, when it gets in the way of the fulfillment of the vow, fear and a sense of failure appear, accompanied by a feeling of pain.

The outcomes of judging people are usually not good ones. Take me for instance, I couldn’t make a vow that my grandsons would not experience what I experienced without judging those who failed me. Jesus said this:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. Matthew 7:1-2

I can take an honest evaluation of my life. I can decide that I want to live differently than I am. But, to depend upon my own power and control to bring that to pass will cause me to end up a failure like those whom I have judged inadequate.

Change through judgment is not what makes me different: submission to godliness is the agent of change! God has the power and wisdom to change me. My efforts end up in hypocrisy.

Pain is not a good purpose for living.

If you are pained by what should bring you joy, then, maybe you have judged yourself or others. The resulting vows can actually wall life out and pain in. Living to avoid disaster is not a pleasant way to live.

Thank God for revealing to me the vows that I had made and healing me of the pain of my loses. I trust Him to give my grandsons a knowledge of His love and I’m grateful He has used me in that endeavor. But, I am not “Captain Everything to Everyone”. I release that pressure and trust  a loving Father!


2 thoughts on “Hidden Behind a Flower

  1. In high school, Parkey, you always made people feel very special and important. It’s nice to know you’re still leading others to be the best they can be. Your love and caring for others still shines from you.

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