According to scripture, (Romans 1:24 among other places) we find that an increase in sexual sin is the first evidence that appears in a people who are walking away from God. Our nation is a nation that is obsessed with sex. Don’t get me wrong: I like sex myself. I’m not a prude.
There is nothing wrong with sex; God created it. Be careful of seeing Him as an enemy of sex because if you do, you’ll find yourself barking up the wrong tree.
Satan is the one who has a problem with sex. He realizes that it is an expression of the intimate union between Christ and His church. He realizes that it is an expression of the depth of a relationship between a man and a woman; a place where tremendous vulnerability is shared. Therefore, since he desires to destroy anything that is healthy or relays love and vulnerability, he seeks to invade it and make it a weapon of hurt rather than what it was created to be.
We have such a fear of sexual incompatibility these days. It is pandemic! So, we figure the best way to calm these fears is to test the waters: have sex early in a relationship to determine if sexual compatibility is present.
Okay, let’s talk reality. First, we all know that once you have sex, a relationship changes. It either becomes more “weird” and estranged or it establishes spoken or unspoken “territorial” claims. The problem lies in the fact that our fear and peer pressure and our lack of understanding drives us to have sex before we have been able to establish certain facts: do we see in said person what is healthy for a long term relationship? Has the proper commitement been established to protect the vulenerability which comes with sex?
There are reasons why people don’t want to make binding commitments to one another. Okay, I am talking about marriage. Before you roll your eyes, listen. People know what marriage is: Forever, death to self, working through hard times, sacrifice, love taking the place of “feelings”. Oh, I know, they cover by saying that marriage is not needed and archaic, but once again, you cannot escape the truth: there is a reason they don’t want to enter that level of commitment. They know what that commitment implies and they are, bottom line seeking to protect themselves from hurt. They want the benefits without the sacrifice to obtain it.
Now, do you want to begin a relationship with someone who is into self protection more than self sacrifice?
Now, let’s go back to God. God knows our insecurities, our fears, our potential to hurt one another through selfish based actions. So, He set up a protection for YOU so you can escape, not all pain but a lot of unnecessary pain. He is not restricting you; He’s protecting you, revealing to you the truth about the motivation of the person you are involved with. Yes, sexual incompatibility is an issue but I’ve worked with a lot of people and I know that sexual problems can be fixed best in an situation where the relationship is truly based upon a commitment to love and healing.
My advice to you: don’t allow anyone to pressure you to have sex before a binding commitment which protects the intimacy you’re going to share is in place. Not all rejection will be avoided this way, but a lot that I see when I work with people will be avoided by taking this pathway.
Marriage is not the problem in society: fear and selfishness is the problem. Marriage is not perfect because those involved are not perfect but it still provides the best avenue for the giving and receiving of love.